Helpline

Have you ever had to call that 24-hour nurse line? Your child isn't feeling well, and you're not sure what to do. The nurse asks you a series of questions (How old is your child? Did you take their temperature? Have you given them any medication?) and then tells you to: go to the ER. My friends and I joke that those nurses must have a giant flow-chart on the wall, and the answer to every question eventually funnels down to: go to the ER. Upset stomach? ER. Bug bite? ER. Hang nail? ER. Now, I'm no medical professional, and I'm not saying that there aren't times when the ER is necessary, but it can occasionally seem a bit extreme.

On the other end of the spectrum, have you ever called Poison Control? You feel somewhat sheepish admitting out loud that, "Yes, um, my baby just ate a clump of dirt with lawn fertilizer*," or "Uh, my 1 year-old licked an open lid of Comet Cleanser*," or "My 3 year-old just ate an unknown quantity of gummy vitamins*." But bless those Poison Control operators. They never say, "And just how did your child get that carpet cleaner* that he sprayed in his mouth?! What kind of mother are you? You really should get some effective child locks and keep a better eye on your child." Nope. In the calmest, most relaxed, most non-judgemental voice ever they say something like, "Oh, just wash out his mouth and keep an eye on him- he'll be fine!"

You have to wonder about some of the crazy calls they must get. Some items must be on their frequent-call list. Before you can even finish your sentence, "Yeah, my son bit open a glow-stick* and...", she's already saying, "Oh, those glow-sticks are non-toxic. Just wash out his mouth- he'll be fine!"

I almost wonder (I said almost; Fate, I am not tempting you by writing this) what you would have to do to get sent to the ER by Poison Control. My neighbor's 2 year-old once injected himself with his sister's epi-pen. Poison Control did call back periodically to see how he was doing, but that was it. (He was fine, by the way.)

I like to think that Kindermusik is sort of like Poison Control. We're not here to judge. We've pretty much heard it all. We know you're doing your best, and we're here to help. Not with extremes but with helpful suggestions to make your life a little easier and some reassurance that your child will be fine. Even if they do happen to eat a chunk of air freshener.*

* All actual reasons that I have had to call Poison Control. For the same child.

** Disclaimer: If your child is ill, by all means call the nurse-line and follow their directives. Also, keep the Poison Control number handy. You never know when you might find your child playing with turpentine. (Yes, that happened, too.)

-Posted by Molly Hagkull (a.k.a. Miss Molly)